Decisions, decisions.

How did my life get so hectic and out of control in such a short period of time???
I have no idea about anything.
School.
Friendships.
Relationships.
The Future.

Gahhhh. I hate it.
I feel like i'm wasting time and money.

School is my biggest issue at the moment. I feel like I've lost all direction and have no idea where I should be going. I'm afraid to transfer to a university because I feel like I'm going to end up changing my major and in turn wasting a lot of money. Why not just stay at CRC another few semesters. Take some different classes and see what I come up with.
Part of my says, go back to being a sociology major. But then I look at that and say, "What the heck am I going to do with that?" I hate thinking about the monetary side of possible careers. But I don't want to be in poverty the rest of my life. I want to be able to make money and be ok. But I feel like anything I would consider going after is going to be a job that a) wont pay much, and b) will become obsolete by the time I actually graduate, or a few years after.
Then I'm going to have to end up going back to school again.
Ugh.
I hate this.

Are we there yet?

Life is ridiculous sometimes!!

Started stats. Failed the test. Dropped stats.
Went to Six Flags. Had a day there. Interesting and fun day.
Finally been able to chat with some friends. And even made some new ones.
I like nonconventional. Sometimes it scares me and sometimes I just want to try it.
I'm dying in some ways.
But I'm trying to 'fix' that.
I feel like I am on a new path.
Kinda dont like it, but kinda don't care at the same time.
Hoping I don't get killed. Trying not to be stupid.
But not caring either.
Looking forward to monday.
Looking forward to weddings and dates.
Can't wait for fall.
But I don't want to rush this either.

So many emotions. So many thoughts.

Hangin' in there...

Well I have survived my first week of summer school with just a few scrapes and bruises.
I haven't died...yet.

Statistics is freakin' hard!!! We have learned an entire chapter each day in only 3 hours. I don't know how it is possible to learn. My brain hurts sooo bad! But according to mom thats good cause it means I'm learning and remembering things. If thats what it takes...

So in reward for completing my first week of school what do I get?? I work 4 nights straight! Yay...
It's both good and bad. I really do enjoy this job. I just don't sleep very much. Which I guess is ok cause then I can talk to my night owl friends. : )

So we'll see how this goes.
Basically until monday morning, which is when I have my first test, I'll be either studying or working.
One heck of a summer right?
Lol.

Hanging by a thread.

Slipping...falling...drowning...

I feel like my opinions are changing. Bu are my opinions changing or are my standards being lowered?
That is the question of the hour.
I'm flip flopping between them.

I hate that my opinions might be changing because that means that I owe some people an apology. Which I'm fine with, but I'd rather not beat a dead horse, ya know?

Idk.
I've become apathetic and luke warm.
Not good.
And I don't even have the desire to change that.
I desire to have the desire but it's not coming.
And I know that I can change that but I'm just not willing right now.
I just want to go away for a few days and evaluate and reflect.
Unfortunately that probably wont happen for a few weeks.
Hopefully the weeks in between wont be ones I regret...

I love days like these : )

Well it is finally thursday.
And today feels like it's going to be a great day.

I had a great night babysitting last night. Played 4 square for like 2 hours and watched Shrek. I love how I get to be a little kid and an adult when I babysit. So much fun. Lol.
Took a glorious 2 hour nap this morning after getting home from work.
And now I'm just chillin'.
Waiting to go to my second to last day of work with the boys. It is slightly bitter sweet. But mostly sweet. Like 98% sweet. I'm really not going to know what to do with my self starting next week when I don't have to pick anyone up from school. I'll actually have some free time. It'll be kinda nice.
Later after work is small group. Can't wait! We're starting a new study. Not sure on what yet. But I know it'll be good! And I'm looking forward to hanging out and catching up with my friends.
After that I'm going to pick a friend up from the airport. Quite looking forward to that. :)
And then who knows what.
Today is just chill and happy.

Waiting for thursday...

Today has been good.

Slept in some.
Feed all the animals I'm watching.
Texted a friend for awhile. And quoted some of The Office. Lol.
Went to work and had a pretty chill day.
Found out Friday is my last day with the boys so that is pretty much fantastic!
Got called off of my over night nannying tonight. Which I'm thankful for cause I kinda just wanted to chill at home tonight.
Chatted with a friend about 'man friends'. Haha that conversation was so hilarious!
Discussed dreams with Lucy.
And now I'm gonna chill with the sista!

Oh! And I finished my journal!! The last 6 years (almost to the exact date) have been documented in one journal or another. And I can't wait to start my new one! It's fabulous!