Tryin' to get back into the groove of this...

I'm a huge processor when it comes to life. To just sit and reflect and jot down my feelings and thoughts really helps me to stay sane.

And so for today...things have come to somewhat of an end, or are in the process of ending.

Today was the last day of this semester. And it was also the beginning of the last week that I'll be in the house with the boys that I watch.
Kind of a weird feeling.
I've seem to have grown accustomed to change and endings and beginnings. But something about this ending just isn't sitting right with me. I think it's because I'm not trusting in God to take care of me. As I loose one job, and partially another one for awhile, I am nervous as to how I'm going to survive. And as I dive into summer school soon I am nervous as to how I will do. I am afraid that with all of the busyness, sort of, this summer that I'm going to loose touch with a new friend and quite possibly some old ones. This summer just seems like it's not starting off on the right foot.

I've had such amazing summers since I left high school that I feel like I have unrealistic expectations of what this summer should be like. I'm afraid that i'm going to be disappointed. But I know that I shouldn't be because God has a perfect summer for me in mind, whether or not it's what I think it should be.

Maybe this summer I need to focus on the little things. The past few summers have had a lot of big things in them to keep me entertained and happy. But maybe this summer wont be like that. It'll be all the little things this summer that truly make it count.

I just wish that I could get this, well...almost...sadness that summer is here, out of my mind.
I think i'm looking forward too much to the fall that i'm wishing away my summer. That I so badly want some things to happen that i'm willing to skip over other things just so that it might happen. And that's not a good way to start the next few months.

I need to learn to be content, but not at the same time.

Maybe, some good old Jesus time will help me to change my attitude toward this all.
Only through Christ can I do this.